Easter time is hell on the roads. My anxiety's of being in the backseat of a smash up increase when there are alot of people on the road or when the rain is making the roads wet and slippery looking. the drive to see the relatives is 15 minutes and the entire time my sweaty hand is clasping the handel on the car door. it wouldnt make any difference if we did crash and i was holding the handle, but i feel more stable. i glace at my older sister to see shes holding her handle too. she holds it the entire way. im unsure if she too is thinking or worrying.
Going down the highway my mind wanders to the possibilitys; would i die? would i be the only one in the car to live?i decide the worst is the second of the two . My hearts pounding as we drive along the highway, cars all around us, cars pulling out and overtaking. then we arrive. my body loses the tenseness as we drive up the suburbian street that is our destination.

The way home im thinking again. what if we crash. what if everyone that drives past think how we do when the power goes out; "someone has probably already called". what if we just lay there. Then im wondering if id scream. Or if id just stare wide eyed at the event unfolding. i feel like i want to sceam with the anticipation of a crash. but the roads are empty. its eleven o clock and theres no one to crash into us.

i worry too much!